I was recently checking one of the daily blogs/ online mag’s (shout out to Clutch Magazine) and there was a Question of The Day (QOTD) which asked: what do you wish your parents told you about sex? I had to respond. I’ve never submitted a comment on a website before, but something compelled me this time. And my response was this:
I wish my mother took the time to explain to me the emotional aspect that is involved with sex. All the feelings that come with it, such as sex does not mean love. The anatomy aspect of it is important, yes, however, emotional scars can last long after you have raised a child. In retrospect, I don’t think she understood that herself. Sad, but true, nonetheless, I plan to break the cycle with my children, son or daughter (when I do have them).
I feel that parents discuss this issue with their kids, they are so fearful of their children becoming young parents, that they lose sight of all the other things that come along with sex. Yes, there are babies, yes there are STD and STI’s, however, there are deep emotional issues that come with sex. For instance, everyone (and no one can tell me different), remembers their first sexual encounter. That is a memory that will stay with you forever. Whether or not the experience was a good one, or not, that’s debatable, but the point I am trying to make is that you never forget.
I wish my mother took the time to explain that sex does not mean love. Just because you give your body to someone, does not mean that they owe you anything. I wish she taught me the power, yes I said power that I have with what’s between my legs. You don’t believe there is power there? Hold out sex from a man long enough and see what happens. I don’t have any children yet, nor am I trying to dictate how to raise your own, but I feel that sometimes parents don’t give their children all the credit they deserve as to how smart they really are and how much they can handle. As far as having that “talk” with them about sex (I refuse to refer to it as ‘The Birds and The Bees’ because I’ve never seen a bird or a bee get it on), I think they should be given them the whole package: emotions, anatomy and all.
“What am I afraid of? This ‘supposed to be what dreams are made of…”- Drake
Recently, a job I applied for got back to me after two excruciating weeks of waiting. A full-time position working in the downtown core with inspiration all around me. This is it. This is the moment I’ve been waiting for. So why am I engulfed with fear?
A while back, when I was going through my pre- quarter life crisis (any of my cousins can tell you how dramatic I was during this brief period), I begged for a job. Prayed for a job. Now that this opportunity is near, I am terrified. But why should I be? I went to school for this, lived in New York for this, worked for free for this. Now here it is. So what am I afraid of?
In the past few years since I finished school, I’ve maintained customer service positions that were not progressive. I went to work, did the job I was asked, nothing more, went home, then rinse and repeat. Now, I have to take work home with me. I have to shine, take initiative, become an asset to the company. All things I am capable of doing, but have never been asked to do so by an employer…. until now. I’m stepping into my career and having to be accountable for my actions. Maybe its fear of failure, perhaps? Too much pressure even? Previously, I was less accountable for my actions, borderline reckless in my actions at work and chalked it up to my mantra that: “this isn’t my career, I don’t have to take it seriously”. I didn’t respect the company therefore, I did not respect my job. So, as I am about to enter my career, if things do not get done, numbers are not met, it is me to whom my superiors will look to, seeking answers.
Then again…. herein lies my opportunity to become successful. To do exactly what I have always wanted to do: help people. Maybe it’s not fear of failure but rather fear of greatness.
I went on a job interview the other day and met a woman, a CEO at that, by the name of Akela Peoples. She is the founder of the charity for young people, Youth in Motion. In all my years of going on job interviews, I have never had such an honest, frank and candid discussion with a potential employer. The conversation gradually became more casual as we got into discussing the concept of : having it “all” as a woman. Family, house, relationship, and health and wellness. Can you truly have it all? Her advice was to find the time to nurture all those things individually. What I admired the most about her was she decided that she wanted a career, by any means. I’m sure she could have stopped to have children along the way, but she didnt. She said, “unfortunately biology determines when you can have children…. So this, my company, is my twelve year old baby.” I loved her tenacity to want her company to become what it is today.
Last night, I went for drinks with my girlfriend and she and I got into the same conversation and I expressed my lack luster desire to have family. She explained to me that her drive to be sucessful stems from her want for a family, then I professed that my drive for sucess is not because I am trying to set up my future for a man and children to be apart of it, but because I want all these things for myself.
But what if having it “all” for me is: having investments, properties, a career and traveling the world? Who defines what all is or are we to define it ourselves?
When is it time to give up a dream? Do you ever give up a dream? If you do, does that make you a quiter or a realist? A realist because you have come to see that maybe this “thing” you have been dreaming about just may not work out. Like the rapper who cannot truly rap, or just may not be good at it, or the ball player that’s too short but attends every try out and never makes the team. How about, if you have tried for so long and did the best you could but this dream that you had, did not work out? Do you throw in the towel and accept defeat? Cause I have to be honest, this is how I am feeling right now with this “journalism” thing that I seemed to have gotten myself into. I mean, I want to write, believe me I do. Its just so depressing when you know you are good at something and cannot find the outlet to express yourself…. all the while getting paid. Hopes and dreams cannot maintain my credit or fill an empty stomach.
Yes, for some, money may be the motivation, but it is not necessarily the case for me. I want to love and enjoy work. I want to make a difference. When I first registered to sign up for the journalism program at Humber College, I had to write a piece on why I wanted to become a journalist. I wrote: ‘because I want to shed a light in areas where you mind has dared to not go’. I want to impact your life in some way. As a writer I feel that, that is my duty.
I have been writing for free for years, which in the begining was all fine and dandy but now its like, “OK, I’m twenty-three, lets get this show on the road!” As young as I am, I feel like I have some how managed to pigeon hole myself as a music writter. Don’t get me wrong, I love music, but I sometimes feel that after my article has debuted whatever the topic that I wrote about becomes irrelevant, because after I have wrote about this artist new single, once the single becomes old, irrelevant, my article becomes old, irrelevant. I want my work to remain relevant.
As I was leaving work today I ran into an old friend and he and I got to talking about the difficulties in breaking into the Canadian broadcasting industry. As much as I hate to admit, the consensus between he and I is that: it’s whom you know. Sad but true. For the longest time I had refused to believe that such a think could be true. “Oh no, never that! Its what you know,” is what I would whisper to my subconscious, but after listening to my friend tell his story of how he came to end up in the broadcasting department at our job, just engrained that theory even more. Basically a mutual friend of ours got him the job. Smh.
When it comes down to it the industry is so limited her in Canada, there is either CTVGlobeMedia or Rogers, and this isn’t just Ontario wide, this is nation wide. The market is way to small in Canada. My solution to that is to move. I have no problem becoming an American if it means I can get a job. I’m all for Canadian pride and patriotism, I love my country, but the reality of it is that I’m trying to chase a dream and I need to go where I can catch it.
As my friend and I stood outside, in what felt like sub zero temperatures, the conversation just kept rolling. I was able to vent and express my frustrations on this, what seems to be, a never ending career hunt. I have been applying steadily, and most diligently to CTV GlobeMedia, with no replies. I had to tweet the other day and ask, “ I wonder if CTV is tired of seeing my resume?” It is so deterring when you continually apply, and get no response. Not even an interview. I can’t help but wonder if its me, and then I begin to question the strength of my resume, which leads me to question my ability to write. Such a vicious cycle.
When does one give up on their dream and say, “Self, let it go.” Or do you turn around and pave your own way, create your own niche?
So lets get the formalities out of the way! I am a contributing writer for the online magazine BallerStatus.com, based out in California and the Canadian based, HipHopCanada.com. Below you can find some my previous work and check out the commentary:
This is my review of Summer Jam Canada’s debut! I had an amazing time, I was hot, sweaty, tired and my phone died mid-way through but I wouldn’t trade it for the world, would do it all again in a heartbeat!
Of all the artists that I had been introduced to, 88 Keys has got to be the funniest, most down to earth person, I have ever had the pleasure of speaking with. I also found his analogy of Adam’s quest for the va-jay-jay to be quite amusing.
I remember the day I did this interview: I was still in college and I had to hide in a staircase to escape the noise from classmates. When his publicist called me, I had to volume on my cell phone on blast, and held the mike of my recorder up real close to my phone to make sure I got it all! He sounded groggy and told me he’d just got out of an all night studio session with Lil Wayne. What I found so interesting about him was the fact that he doesn’t drink liquor! Very admirable considering the industry he chose.
Mr. Garrett was the very first interview I completed for this site, he’s a bit of a flirt and had me blushing the entire time! Yes, black girls can blush! Enjoy the read!
I was inspired today to start something (again). I’ve come to the realization that in your life, specifically, you cannot always expect your path to be already laid out for you. Sometimes you have to be lay down the brick-work to build the path to your own life’s success. Hence the creation of this blog. If no one can do it for me, I’ll just do it for myself.
After having recently submitted some work to The Source Magazine for consideration for an opportunity to cover a story for them, I submitted my work then realized: all my work is like two years old! How could anyone take me serious as a writer if I’m not doing the things that a writer should do? That’s like a DJ with no iPod. I’ve had a blog before, one that I never maintained, written for a website where things fell through, shout out to Patent Magazine, but this time its different cause this time it feels more authentic, I’m ready to commit to it. Actions speak louder than words. If I speak it, I must do it and so, I write.