What Am I Afraid Of?

“What am I afraid of? This ‘supposed to be what dreams are made of…”- Drake

Recently, a job I applied for got back to me after two excruciating weeks of waiting. A full-time position working in the downtown core with inspiration all around me. This is it. This is the moment I’ve been waiting for. So why am I engulfed with fear?

A while back, when I was going through my pre- quarter life crisis (any of my cousins can tell you how dramatic I was during this brief period), I begged for a job. Prayed for a job. Now that this opportunity is near, I am terrified. But why should I be? I went to school for this, lived in New York for this, worked for free for this. Now here it is. So what am I afraid of?

In the past few years since I finished school, I’ve maintained customer service positions that were not progressive. I went to work, did the job I was asked, nothing more, went home, then rinse and repeat. Now, I have to take work home with me. I have to shine, take initiative, become an asset to the company. All things I am capable of doing, but have never been asked to do so by an employer…. until now. I’m stepping into my career and having to be accountable for my actions. Maybe its fear of failure, perhaps?  Too much pressure even? Previously, I was less accountable for my actions, borderline reckless in my actions at work and chalked it up to my mantra that: “this isn’t my career, I don’t have to take it seriously”. I didn’t respect the company therefore, I did not respect my job. So, as I am about to enter my career, if things do not get done, numbers are not met, it is me to whom my superiors will look to, seeking answers.

Then again…. herein lies my opportunity to become successful. To do exactly what I have always wanted to do: help people. Maybe it’s not fear of failure but rather fear of greatness.


About threetees

A young lady who loves to write. I'm sure there is supposed to be a lot more that I should type in this box, but read my work to get to know me better.
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